Miracles Here and There

Greetings fellow Earth adventurers! Just thought I’d pop in and post a bit.

I had the opportunity to do some cleansing in the last two years since I posted. Juicing fruits and vegetables was a big part of it, as was lots of salads and eliminating all animal products from my diet. Reading The China Study by T. Collin Campbell was very motivating to eat all plant based.

I also got to try different drugs. One made me loose my hair, then I changed to another and my hair grew back for the second time. I love being bald. It is the greatest thing ever. No hair to take the time to wash or care for. I think, though, that I’ll settle for very short hair. The two down sides to baldness are a cold head in the winter and a sunburned one in the summer.

After I completed the first treatment that I was on in 2012 the cancer went away and doctors were saying, “the treatment was effective” or “you responded well to treatment”. I would say, “well, yes, but I was doing other things too that helped.” The one thing I did not say was, “God has preserved to me live another day.” That element was missing from my perspective.

I felt that God lead me to find alternative treatments to support my journey and I thanked him for that. But I got lost in the world of health and the reasoning there. I focused so much on food and emotional work that I put God’s healing power on a back burner. I still believe that I am to do all that I can to be well, which includes: what I eat, how I think, what I drink, what I put on my skin, what cleaners are in my house, what a dentist puts in my month, and where I get my food. But all of that is secondary to the power of God. If he wants more bread and fish, he just creates more like when he fed the 5,000 in Jerusalem. 

He has allowed me to be part of my own healing journey which has allowed me to learn through the process. He can just heal me, but he instead allows me to learn. He allows me to grow and to come to understand things at a new level and in a new way.

When my children are unhappy or having a hard time, it is very tempting for me to rush in and just fix what is wrong. I find myself thinking, “let her fail, I’m not helping her by doing it for her.”

In seeing how and where and when the Savior has healed me, I am a better person and feel closer to Him. I have been healed in ways and in areas that are not so visible but are real nonetheless.

For example, last year I had several fractures in my hips. How did I accomplish this amazing task? I stood up. I am a pretty amazing stander-upper. I was flat on my back for a few weeks, then I could kind of move to lay down on the couch. I would alternate laying down in bed to laying down on the couch for the next few months.

Many angles came and helped me during this time by bringing meals, cleaning my house, driving my daughters to their lessons, and coming to visit. This was amazing and I will always be thankful for their service. An unforeseen miracle was that though the whole thing I never felt like it was a big deal. Even with the trip to the ER, I knew I would be fine and just needed time to heal. I looked at it as time to rest and to write stories and do family history work.

Thinking back, I can see that it was a big deal, but I felt fine and was very cheerful about the whole thing. I knew everything would be okay and it was. That miracle and emotional healing along with the physical healing is a sustaining miracle. A miracle that builds faith. A miracle that surpasses understanding and could only happen as a gift from heaven.

The sustaining miracles in my life allow me to reflect and to feel more joy. I’m all about feeling joy.

May you feel joy this day too and look for the miracles that God is giving you.

Square One Program Info...

I met Chris (online)- from chrisbeatcancer.com- the other week, and am amazed by the Square One program. He is offering the talks for free this weekend. This program focuses mainly on cancer, but the information would be helpful to anyone seeking health help or just to stay healthy. If you want to check it out for free the info is below (be prepared to take notes)...

All 10 Modules will be put back up online (at the same time) and anyone can watch for free.

The Replay Weekend starts at 12:01am EST on Saturday morning and runs through Midnight on Sunday (48 hours total).

Modules 1 & 2, and the Q&A replays are LIVE on the page now… The rest will be added Saturday morning.

Here’s the link: http://squareone.chrisbeatcancer.com/replay-weekend

Update on Adventures

1. In October I had a fun, new adventure. My torso felt like it was on fire. My skin looked just fine, but the burning was severe and lasted for about a week and a half. I stopped taking my oral chemo to see if that was the culprit, and it seemed to help. I figured that even if it hadn't caused it, I'm sure it was not helping my recovery. Later, when I used a certain cleaner again, the burning came back for a couple of days. So, I'm pretty sure it was actually a reaction to the cleaner I used. It's long gone now, and I use an "all natural" one with no harsh chemicals. No skin burning since.

During this exciting skin burning adventure, someone asked me about my back. I was taken aback. "My back?" I asked.
"Yes," came the reply. "I've been wondering how it has been. It was causing you a lot of pain."
Then I remembered that it had been. I had completely forgotten. "It's fine," I replied. "No pain at all."

I'm thankful that this person asked about my back, because it helped me to remember that what I was experiencing at that moment of skin burning, was better than the back pain I had felt. It helped put things into perspective. It could have been much worse.

2. Speaking of back pain, I sneezed a while ago and felt pain in my back where it had been before. My first thought was that the tumor was coming back. A scan later showed that said tumor was gone. So, what are the pain and strange sensations in my upper back? I later learned that when the tumor left (bye, bye), it left a whole in my vertebrae. Then, the vertebrae collapsed on itself. The strange sensations I feel now are the spine healing itself. Prior to radiation on the spine, the pain was at a 8. Now, it's about a 2. So I can handle these healing pains. Plus, I'm a half of an inch shorter now. How cool is that?!

3. It's amazing how when one cannot exercise one's muscles atrophy. Walking a lot is painful in my lower legs. They begin to feel like lead. Therefore, my exercise limited to other, brief activities. So, I'll just choose to be thankful that I can still walk. I'll choose to be thankful for this physical limitation to help me use my energy for that which really matters.

There is the update on recent adventures. Hope your adventures are as awesome as mine!!

Important Things

"When you cannot do what you have always done, you only do what is most important."

I made Halloween costumes for my girls. That's a big deal for me. Usually I buy them - on clearance - but I still buy them. I also sat and read with my girls. I raked leaves with my girls. When I take my youngest to preschool we read books in the car while we wait until she can go in. I cuddle with my girls. I sing songs to and with my girls. We listen to stories together. We find shapes in the clouds as we drive to and from school. We do crafts together. We dance together a lot. 

Sometimes I wonder what they will remember. I wonder how much time we have to make memories. I wonder what will be the most important to them when they remember their mother. I don't care about homework like I used to. I care about who they are as people. I care about how they treat others and their ability to set and work towards goals. 

Are they learning to work hard? Will I be here to help them learn it better? Are they developing a testimony of their Savior? Will I be here to help them develop it further? Are they choosing good friends and treating others with respect? Will I be here to help them with friendships as they get older? 

I think I will. I pray I will. It lurks in the back of my mind, coming out when I don't expect it to. Then strange health concerns come up, and I wonder again. I wonder what state I'll be in when they are teenagers. 

Overall, I just feel thankful that I am in their lives at all. I feel happy that we are a family. I feel blessed that I get to be their mother, and in the next life, I'll still get to be their mother. 

So, now that I cannot do all that I once was able to, I try to focus on what is most important. And, it comes as no surprise, that most important thing is time with my family. So if I don't see you very often anymore, it's not because I don't like you. It's not because I disliked doing the things that brought us together. I am just making choices with what to do with the energy I have. And that energy is being poured into the most important people in my life. 

Radiation Adventure

The spine is an amazing part of our body. Mine has some holes in it. Holes called lytic lesions or lytic tumors. Because of these cool holes, my back feels sore pretty much all of the time. The largest tumors are in the thoracic area (upper back).

Every time I go to see my oncologist or get an infusion I am asked if I am in any pain. For a long time, I said “no” because I didn’t want their solution to the problem. Finally, it got bad enough I said, “yes,” and their solution was radiation. See, I knew I didn’t want it.

This last week was radiation week. Radiation to stop pain, and to stop the tumors from growing into the spinal cord (I guess that’s a bad thing). The neat thing about radiation is that it goes right on through your body. The spine just happens to be in line with other important parts of our body, like the esophagus, stomach, lungs, and abdominal muscles. Small things like that. Therefore, the feelings of nausea, weakness, headache, bone ache and dizziness were not too surprising. It just would have been nice to be forewarned that they would happen.

It’s hard for me to ask for help, but I had some amazing people step in and help when I needed it. Thank you.

So, after the radiation is done I get to go back onto the newest chemotherapy thus far. It’s oral. I take it in pill form at home. I know, it sounds strange. I have to keep it sequestered away from other people and food and in a zip lock bag so others don’t come into contact with it. For the first time since I began this whole chemotherapy thing I may need the anti-nausea drugs they gave me. That will be fun, because while they prevent one from vomiting, they sure make the person taking them feel strange and ill in other ways.

Off to new treatments and new things to learn!

A Happy Memory

As I sat in a waiting room today I had a memory of an event that occurred about one year ago in that same waiting room. I had driven up to Huntsman for a “radiation planning session” where they do the set up for radiation. Huntsman Cancer Institute is located at the top of the University of Utah campus. Once I enter the campus, it takes about 5-10 minutes to get up to the hospital. But that day the normally 5-minute drive took about 45 minutes. The cause was some roadwork going on right outside The University of Utah Hospital, which is just below Huntsman. Everyone was late. Employees were late to shifts at the hospital. Patients were late to appointments. Therefore, there were about eight women in the waiting room, when usually there are two or three. We all sat in our hospital gowns waiting. Doctors came in and apologized for the wait. So, some of us started chatting.

Me: I think they should give us our own hospital gowns to have at home. That way we can just wear them here and not have to change. It would save time.

Woman #1: And then we could personalize them. We could choose our own colors.

Woman #2: It would also save on locker space.

Woman #3: The only problem would be if we got pulled over while we were driving. The officer would be like, ‘where did you escape from?’ And we’d look the part.

Women #2: And we wouldn’t even have a bra on!

It was a happy memory. 

Happy Moments at the Huntsman Cancer Center in South Jordan - Daybreak

The last PET scan I had (besides the one today) was three months ago (get this, I have them every three months…I know amazing!) The day after said PET scan, I was supposed to meet with Dr. Oncologist; however, I was sick from the scan and needed to stay home. I ended up discussing the scan results with Dr. around 4:30pm, when I was informed that some tumors grew back, because they missed me, of course! He therefore changed my drug for the infusion I had scheduled for the next morning…7:30am at the South Jordan facility.

Surprise! I’m here in South Jordan and need a different drug than the one ordered three weeks ago! Nurses in South Jordan find out that I need this new drug right when I get there. For some reason, leaving a message at 5:00pm (after everyone has gone home) doesn’t give the pharmacy enough time to get the desired drug there by morning. Crazy! So, they don’t have the drug there. At all. NO DRUG on the property. Awesome!

Options? Wait four hours for someone to bring it down from the Huntsman Center by the U of U, or go home and come back Monday. I voted for the latter.

This changed my infusion schedule in my favor, so that when we took a trip to California, I did not have an infusion the week before. Yea! Lots more energy!

That experience at South Jordan is almost as good as when the pharmacist brought me my chemotherapy on a silver platter, with a fake mustache on, and in a fake French accent said, “Delores, here is your chemotherapy. I hope it is to your liking. Is it as ordered? I take it you will find everything in order.” That was a happy moment.