Ode To Huntsman Cancer Institute

A Walk Through Huntsman

Today I walk through these halls
Once I came here weekly.
Now I see things differently
But the same mix of emotions exist here.

There is fear in people's eyes.
There is hope in others'.
There is resignation is some.
There is despair in others.

Many seem to accept the limitations,
Others strive for more.
Perhaps the answer is in the next research study,
Perhaps through the next door.

There is hope, healing, and comfort,
There is reason to smile.
The answers here may be incomplete,
But they go the extra mile.

Friendliness ensues and
Smiles are common.
Cute hats abound and
Resources summon.

"The decision is up to you"
Many doctors say,
"We provide counsel"
and will from day to day.

Machines beep,
Needles abound,
Blood count matters and
Blood pressure makes a sound,

Is it all for not?
Do people still die?
Of course they do
Life is terminal after all.

Are we to say what is "too young?"
Do we know when someone's work is done?
There are reasons beyond what we see,
There is a purpose far beyond mortality.

Everyone has an opinion,
They all have evidence.
Finding what is right for me?
That takes humility and confidence.

Confidence that others have been healed,
Hope that little things matter.
Motivation to seek more information,
Serenity to accept what is...and what cannot be changed.

Is there a purpose to all of this?
One that we seem to miss?
Those who are in positions of trust
Now serve others, it seems they must.

This process changes me,
Turns us into people who
Are willing to bear another's burden,
And serve with no hope of reward.

It is a process
Just as Jesus said,
To become like He is,
To follow Him, our Head.

The Secondary Emotion

Something I learn again and again is that I am a multidimensional being. When I improve in one area, it brings up things in another. Or when I work in one area, it heals on two or three levels. 

Often times when I feel hurt or am afraid I feel angry. Anger is a secondary emotion that is very useful. It means something needs to change and anger gives the motivation to change it. In order to not stay in anger, however, I have learned that I need to understand the primary emotion behind anger. Am I scared? Hurt? Offended? Proud? Embarrassed? Frustrated (which is having unmet, and often unrealistic expectations)?

It is easier to feel angry, an emotion of change and "control" than it is to feel vulnerable. But when I am truly humble, I allow myself to feel vulnerable and that's where healing occurs.

I once learned that fear is believing a lie, and anger is protecting a lie. Using this as a tool, I am able to locate the lie behind my emotions and work through the emotion at the root...and they get taken care of for good. 

Anger is awesome. When used appropriately I am able find what is really bothering me. It helps me change what needs to be changed, and when it is worked through I feel a much needed calm. 

I don't feel nearly as stressed or upset by things as I used to. I guess letting go of negative emotions and negative energy really pays off.

I feel healthier too!

It's great being multidimensional!

Self-Worth

Feelings of self-worth are interesting.

Is my worth determined by my ability to keep a house clean?
Is it determined by the time I spend reading with a child?
How about how much attention I receive from my husband?
The way I serve others?
or maybe the number of complements I receive about my hair?
Perhaps it is determined by the amount of time I spend reading the scriptures?
Or attending worship services?

Is it negatively affected when I loose my temper with a child?
Or think unkind thoughts about others?
Does my self-worth level drop when I sin?

Or could it be that my worth is not touched by any of these things.
That my worth is infinite and eternal and does not change.
That I am bought with a price and am not my own.

When I focus on the latter three ideas, my whole world feels lighter. Nothing I do can or will affect my level of worth. It has already been determined by someone far wiser than myself. 

As I allow others to be where they are, and allow myself to be where I am, I feel peace. I am also able to allow myself to feel my own worth, without relation to anyone else. 

Real and lasting feelings of worth come from up above and from deep inside. When I am truly honest with myself, I can only say that I am important, I matter, what I want matters, what I have to say is important, I am worth taking care of, and I accept myself and approve of myself exactly where I am right now.

Green Smoothies and Other Green Things

I was never one for vegetables in smoothies, but now I am. I began with adding spinach, because it's tasteless with fruit. Then I got more agressive and added kale and chard- not so tasteless. I have come up with is recipe that I really like, but I admit it got there in stages.

Green Smoothie:
(OG stands for organic)

OG Kale 1-2 leaves

OG spinach 1-2 cups

OG Chard 1 big leaf, or two small ones

OG berries (strawberries, blue berries, raspberries, cherries, etc.) 1-2 cups

goji berries 1/4 cup - these are detoxifying 

chia seeds 1-2 Tbs - packed with omega 3 & 6

flax seeds 1-2 Tbs - omega 3&6 and cancer fighting

Juice of a whole lemon - liver cleansing

A few sprigs of parsley (not Italian) - liver cleansing
2-3 cups distilled or reverse osmosis water

Sometimes an avacado

Sometimes a banana, but I find that too sweet now

if it's not sweet enough I put in a date 
I also have a green powder with OG algie and other detoxifying agents that I like to 
put in 1 tsp to 2 Tbs. 

As for other green things, my awesome husband has been away at a computer conference. That leaves me with three energetic girls...so the other day we pulled out the wagon and went for a walk around the neighborhood. My two older girls picked grass, weeds, dirt, and rocks to make a home for worms. Result? The oldest child created a box of mixed dirt, but didn't want to take it outside because it might get ruined by rain. It's now in the garage. The second oldest cutie made mud pies...on my porch... right in front of the front door. 

AWESOME! Bring on Spring!

The third result is that my legs felt like lead the next day. This is more walking than I have done in a while because I was saving my leg strength for the most important things.

I guess it's time for another foot bath.

And another smoothie...those make everything better!