"When you cannot do what you have always done, you only do what is most important."
I made Halloween costumes for my girls. That's a big deal for me. Usually I buy them - on clearance - but I still buy them. I also sat and read with my girls. I raked leaves with my girls. When I take my youngest to preschool we read books in the car while we wait until she can go in. I cuddle with my girls. I sing songs to and with my girls. We listen to stories together. We find shapes in the clouds as we drive to and from school. We do crafts together. We dance together a lot.
Sometimes I wonder what they will remember. I wonder how much time we have to make memories. I wonder what will be the most important to them when they remember their mother. I don't care about homework like I used to. I care about who they are as people. I care about how they treat others and their ability to set and work towards goals.
Are they learning to work hard? Will I be here to help them learn it better? Are they developing a testimony of their Savior? Will I be here to help them develop it further? Are they choosing good friends and treating others with respect? Will I be here to help them with friendships as they get older?
I think I will. I pray I will. It lurks in the back of my mind, coming out when I don't expect it to. Then strange health concerns come up, and I wonder again. I wonder what state I'll be in when they are teenagers.
Overall, I just feel thankful that I am in their lives at all. I feel happy that we are a family. I feel blessed that I get to be their mother, and in the next life, I'll still get to be their mother.
So, now that I cannot do all that I once was able to, I try to focus on what is most important. And, it comes as no surprise, that most important thing is time with my family. So if I don't see you very often anymore, it's not because I don't like you. It's not because I disliked doing the things that brought us together. I am just making choices with what to do with the energy I have. And that energy is being poured into the most important people in my life.
