Walls

I have been thinking a lot about walls lately: brick walls, stone walls, white picket fences, chain link fences with gate gates, etc. 

A long time ago I attended a support group where we discussed walls. Each of us there had a wall up around our heart in order to protect ourselves. We had all been hurt and as a defense mechanism we did what children do, we retreated and put up an emotional wall. It works, that's why it's done. 

I was then instructed that in order to heal the wall had to come down...which is a scary thought to one in the position I was in. It did not need to go away entirely, but the wall needed to be replaced with a fence. A fence provides a boundary that I am able to defend. A fence has a gate that I may open when I want to allow others in, or close to keep them out. A wall keeps everything and everyone away from me, including myself. I cannot truly come to know who I am with a wall up. I cannot truly come to know God with a wall up. I cannot truly learn to trust myself or others with a wall up. 

I have seen many types of walls. Most are tall, made of stone or brick, and are built to hide behind. Others are tall, stone, with barbed wire on top, and machine gun towers ready to blast anyone who comes within 25 feet of the wall. Those people tend to be a little bit more verbally aggressive and defensive. But it all stems from the same place. They were hurt and the wall was erected to protect. 

On one can take down another's wall. Love and support from others can help them in their efforts, but they have to do it. They put it up, only they can take it down, and only the Lord really knows how to lead them to do it. 

Over several years my wall came down. One brick at a time. It was work. It took effort. Lies that I believed as truth were exposed. I questioned many things and many ideas. And I came to know God. 

Believing that I am worth defending came only after much work.
Learning to trust myself came as the wall came down.
Trusting myself came after I trusted God, and took some steps of faith into the darkness.
Knowing that I have to do my own work, but that I don't have to do it alone, is empowering.

I am thankful for healthy boundaries. They help define relationships, establish friendships, maintain marriages, and support families. It took me many years, but I learned to have a fence instead of a wall. Yet, even now, I still have questions about some relationships, so I go slow, pray often, and trust in the Lord. He never lets me down.