I dislike the looks of pity, the expressions of "I'm so sorry," the fear I see in people's eyes when they don't know what to say so they just stare at me. It gets really old. I feel like slapping them on the face and telling them to buck up! I am not sorry I'm going through this. I don't want pity. I am just a person who is walking through mortality like everyone else. This trial may be more evident than other people's trials, but it certainly is not more difficult. If we could see other's trials we would be in awe of that person. But most of us have no clue what our neighbors are experiencing. We don't know the pain hidden in the heart. We don't feel their insecurities, their fears, their disappointments. Some experiences are more visible than others, but all are personally designed for us. Given the choice I would choose my trials and you would choose yours all over again.
At times I feel lonely. I think we all do. Does that mean that my life is more difficult than others? Certainly not. At times I feel discouraged. At times I wonder if my efforts are making a difference. Other times I wonder if any other person can understand how I feel. That's when I turn to my Savior, because I know he understands.
How are my children handling my being gone for treatments? How are they handling going to school with children not in their neighborhood? There is so much more in life than cancer. There is such a larger picture that I see parts of, but only parts. If I were to focus all of my attention on the limitations that disease brings into my life, well, that would be pretty depressing. I vote against that.
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