Blessings of the Smoke Alarm

I get to be one of the very few individuals who experiences leg pain as a side effect of a drug called Herceptin. That is why I stopped taking it several months back. The drug I am currently on is a mix of Herceptin and chemotherapy. 

This past week the leg pain resurfaced. Aches and pains when standing and sitting. It was hurting a great deal the other day and then the smoke alarm began going off. Every 10 minutes for hours. I would turn it off and it was like hitting snooze. The offending detector was downstairs, so I had to make the march over and over. Each time I came back up the stairs it was a new exercise in self-mastery to go up them. 

I kept thinking, "I'm going to be positive and look at what I can learn from this. Hmm, nothing comes to mind, but I'm sure there is a reason this is happening."

Keith came home late, so the alarm continued until he came with the miracle battery. It stopped around 8:30pm.

The next morning I awoke expecting to be sore all over from climbing the stairs with aching legs. In the past the leg pain has lasted for weeks. Instead, I woke up refreshed without any leg pain at all. It seems that "working through the pain" in this instance proved to be a very good thing. 

So, I guess I'll just have to repeat this awesome activity if/when the leg pain comes with my next treatment. There was a reason the smoke alarm experience happened. I never would have worked that hard through the pain if there was not an overly obnoxious alarm going off. 

I choose to call this the blessing of the smoke alarm. I feel very watched over!

The Eye Has It

I drove today thinking I am grateful for the abdominal pain I was feeling. Grateful because it helped me to know that the antibiotic I am taking is working, grateful because I normally don't experience pain and was reminded of that, and grateful that I could still drive.

Why the antibiotic?

That's a awesome story!

I had my second round of chemotherapy last Thursday. Lots of sore muscles the next day, then pretty good. Sunday night a headache began. My eyes were a bit sensitive to light. Monday morning I had a headache behind my left eye. Only behind my left eye and that eye was bloodshot. My left eye was also very sensitive to light. 

I still made it to help at the Book Fair at the school; however, some things are just important that way!

Tuesday, eye still sore and red.

Wednesday, at the Book Fair all day. Eye about the same.

Thursday morning I woke up and my left eye was swollen shut. 

Off to visit a friendly neighborhood doctor.

Conclusions: 

• Most likely a side effect of this new chemo drug I'm on. He looked it up and conjunctivitis was reported in 4% of patients. Sounds about right for me. Headaches and blurred vision were in there too. Hurray!
• There could be an abscess behind my eye pushing on it. That could explain why the left eye was sticking out more than the right. Or, it could just be swollen a lot. 
• I was given an antibiotic just incase, for the maybe abscess behind the eye.

Make a call to my friendly oncologist to discuss bizarre symptoms.

Conclusions:

• It is most likely not an abscess because I would be sicker with fever and chills.
• The new chemo drug is not related to conjunctivitis or eye problems. It must be something else.
• It is most likely a sinus infection.
• If I am still concerned about it I can come to the Moran Eye Center in Salt Lake.

I think the best part of being in the medical world is that people disagree all the time. So, the decision is up to me. 

What do I think? 

• It's a side effect from the chemotherapy. With a compromised immune system, anything is possible, so it is unwise to say that something could not be related to a drug. We simply do not know or understand all of the potential side effects that drugs can have.
• I think I have an infection in my eye, and a minor one in my sinuses, and that left alone an abscess can develop behind my eye. 
• So I'm taking the antibiotic. My eye began to improve the same day I took the first dose in the morning.

Thus the gratitude I felt for pain as I drove with roses to the church for an amazing program celebrating some young ladies in our ward.

I am thankful for additional information and opinions on issues. I am thankful for spiritual insight and promptings to help me understand my body. When it is said and done, I make the decisions, so I  want them to be good ones!  

Things I Learned this Week

I learned a couple of things this week:

1. ALWAYS walk after an infusion. I was SO sore the next day because I didn't walk afterward. Like I had run a marathon and not stretched after. Talk about tight!

2. Don't begin a mystery novel during an infusion. It is way too tempting to stay up and finish it, and sleep is kind of important after an infusion.

3. When getting a salad at the salad bar, it is best to leave one's half-gallon water jug back at the infusion center. Unless you have three hands of course.

4. When meeting new nurses it is alway a good idea to ask them where they are from and if they like living in Utah. It opens up all sorts of paths to conversations.

5. When having PTA meetings, it's a good idea to have a secretary there. Trying to conduct and take the minutes is a bit challenging. 

6. Emotions connected to the spine have to do with support. My feelings about support have come to the surface, and it has been a great opportunity to work through some misconceptions and false beliefs I had. Hurray for emotional work!

7. I am super supported. By friends, family, my ward, priesthood leaders, random people at Huntsman, and of course God. 

Hurray for learning new things!

New Adventures

I had my first infusion of the new stuff on Thursday. The best part about the infusion room? 

Yoga.
That's right. Yoga.

I got to have an infusion for 90 minutes, then be observd for 90 minutes, which was new for me. After chemotherapy I have always felt restless, like I need to walk. I think it's my body trying to get the toxins out. Well, after my infusion I could not leave and go for a walk like I did before. That would interfere with the observation part. 

So I did yoga. Right there in the infusion room in front of my chair. The best part is that no one even looked at me strange. I think they have seen more bizarre things than that! After 8 minutes of deep breathing and stretches I felt much better.

Now for the next awesome adventure: I sprained my lower back this morning! It was great! I was supposed to be leaving for activity days in a couple of minutes. I was leaning over the sink in the bathroom and I sneezed. I felt a pop or shift in my lower back, around L5 and then pain radiated out to both sides of my body. I collopased to the floor unable to move or even breath well because of the pain. Pretty intense!

I sat there for several minutes trying to catch my breath, and thinking that I had all the stuff for activity days and I really needed to go. How was I going to do this?

I said a prayer. I explained my situation and asked for healing enough so I could make it to activity days, if that's where He wanted me to be. After the prayer I could get up, and even breath pretty normal. I managed to load the car with art supplies, and drive the block to the activity. 

As I taught about the 13th Article of Faith I had the impression that this is where I needed to be, and that the girls needed to hear what I was saying.

I mean how cool is that? 

It's AWESOME!

This scripture sums up how I feel...

...yea, and he also gave them strength, that they should suffer no manner of afflictions, save it were swallowed up in the joy of Christ. Now this was according to the prayer of Alma; and this because he prayed in faith. (Alma 31:38)

So happy Saturday!

Drugs, Drugs, Drugs

Visited the doctor last Thursday, which was AWESOME!

He prescribed drugs, because he's an oncologist. I think if I had been speaking with a surgeon, then the option of removing my ovaries would have been brought up. In fact, I know that's what would have happened, because I was told by a breast cancer surgeon that if I did not respond well to the tamoxifen she would, "yank [my] ovaries." Nice.

But I was speaking with a chemotherapy expert, so naturally that's what he advised.

Flashback to last Sunday.

Sitting in the primary room listening to a regional stake conference. One of the speakers mentioned Nephi. He said that Nephi "refused to become discouraged" when attempting to get the brass plates. He kept going and trusting in the Lord until he was successful. What stood out to me was that Nephi made the choice to not become discouraged. He refused. 

That concept hit home with me and I felt impressed that that message was for me. So I too refuse to become discouraged. I also thought about Laban and how Nephi was told to kill him. Nephi was like, "What!? This goes against everything I believe in!" But he trusted in the Lord and followed the prompting.

Back to the doctor's office.

Discussing chemotherapy options. 

Do taxol again? I cringed inside at that idea and knew I could not do it.

Another option was brought up. A targeted drug. A combination of herceptin - a receptor targeting/blocker drug - and chemotherapy. Because they are combined into one drug it works differently. The chemotherapy only attacks the cells that the herceptin takes it to, which are the cancer cells with her-2 receptors. Then the cells are killed from the inside because the herceptin pulls the chemotherapy inside the cells. This targeted approach has fewer side effects and is less toxic to one's body than regular chemotherapy.

As we discuss this drug I feel peace. I feel this is a good thing. Part of me screams, "What!? This goes against everything I believe in!" But for reasons unseen to me, this is my path. So I roll with it, and everything will work out great! It always does!

So here's to more adventures in Salt Lake.
Here's to more time in the infusion room.
Here's to more time with my sisters in Centerville.
And here's to more things to learn along the way.

I love life.
I love the challenges it brings.
I love that I get to experience this.
I would not trade it for anything.
I have learned far too much! 

Best Scan EVER!

I had the best scan I have ever had last week. I kind of broke some of the rules, which is probably why it was so cool. For a PET scan after a patient is injected with radioactive sugar they are supposed to sit still and relax in a dark room and drink goo. It gets really old, especially since after you do that for over an hour, you then go lay on a table and hold completely still for another 40 minutes.

So, when I was supposed to be relaxing and drinking goo, I read a book. I also only drank half the goo, doing this so I could keep it down. I feel that activities to prevent boredom-induced comas are important in the healing process.

The scan showed lots of cool activity all over! Awesome! The cancer spread to lots of places in my spine, which is new and very exciting. It's still in one lymph node and the tumors in the breast have grown a bit. I knew the treatment was not working, but now I know where it has spread. Very cool.

Now what I get to do:

I get to do work on support - that's what emotions are linked to the spine.
I get to do work on diet - cut out all animal protein
I get to do work on spiritually - because when all is said and done, that is where healing comes from.

Thanks for all of your prayers and support. I feel blessed to be able to heal, learn and grow here in mortality. 

And I'm just so thankful for this opportunity. 

Hurray!

I now get to visit with my doctor and see what he says. Dun...Dun...Dun...

More Scans - Because they are Awesome!

I have a PET scan scheduled next week. 
You may say, "but isn't there a lifetime limit on those?" 
Why yes, yes there is. But apparently I get lots!!

The treatment I was on was not so effective, so Doctor and friends want to take more pictures to see more stuff. Hopefully that will help us all make good decisions.

I'm not afraid of this. 

At times I discuss health matters with others, and some seem very frightened. I understand why, but I just am not afraid. 

I see this as a time to learn and grow. I do not see Cancer as the enemy. I see it as a symptom. A symptom of an imbalanced body. Seeking to restore balance has brought me a great deal of joy. I once heard a cancer survivor say that if you ask someone who has cancer why they have it, they always know. I thought about that, and he was right in my case. I know. I'm working on it. And I am so thankful for the opportunity.