Blessings of the Smoke Alarm

I get to be one of the very few individuals who experiences leg pain as a side effect of a drug called Herceptin. That is why I stopped taking it several months back. The drug I am currently on is a mix of Herceptin and chemotherapy. 

This past week the leg pain resurfaced. Aches and pains when standing and sitting. It was hurting a great deal the other day and then the smoke alarm began going off. Every 10 minutes for hours. I would turn it off and it was like hitting snooze. The offending detector was downstairs, so I had to make the march over and over. Each time I came back up the stairs it was a new exercise in self-mastery to go up them. 

I kept thinking, "I'm going to be positive and look at what I can learn from this. Hmm, nothing comes to mind, but I'm sure there is a reason this is happening."

Keith came home late, so the alarm continued until he came with the miracle battery. It stopped around 8:30pm.

The next morning I awoke expecting to be sore all over from climbing the stairs with aching legs. In the past the leg pain has lasted for weeks. Instead, I woke up refreshed without any leg pain at all. It seems that "working through the pain" in this instance proved to be a very good thing. 

So, I guess I'll just have to repeat this awesome activity if/when the leg pain comes with my next treatment. There was a reason the smoke alarm experience happened. I never would have worked that hard through the pain if there was not an overly obnoxious alarm going off. 

I choose to call this the blessing of the smoke alarm. I feel very watched over!

The Eye Has It

I drove today thinking I am grateful for the abdominal pain I was feeling. Grateful because it helped me to know that the antibiotic I am taking is working, grateful because I normally don't experience pain and was reminded of that, and grateful that I could still drive.

Why the antibiotic?

That's a awesome story!

I had my second round of chemotherapy last Thursday. Lots of sore muscles the next day, then pretty good. Sunday night a headache began. My eyes were a bit sensitive to light. Monday morning I had a headache behind my left eye. Only behind my left eye and that eye was bloodshot. My left eye was also very sensitive to light. 

I still made it to help at the Book Fair at the school; however, some things are just important that way!

Tuesday, eye still sore and red.

Wednesday, at the Book Fair all day. Eye about the same.

Thursday morning I woke up and my left eye was swollen shut. 

Off to visit a friendly neighborhood doctor.

Conclusions: 

• Most likely a side effect of this new chemo drug I'm on. He looked it up and conjunctivitis was reported in 4% of patients. Sounds about right for me. Headaches and blurred vision were in there too. Hurray!
• There could be an abscess behind my eye pushing on it. That could explain why the left eye was sticking out more than the right. Or, it could just be swollen a lot. 
• I was given an antibiotic just incase, for the maybe abscess behind the eye.

Make a call to my friendly oncologist to discuss bizarre symptoms.

Conclusions:

• It is most likely not an abscess because I would be sicker with fever and chills.
• The new chemo drug is not related to conjunctivitis or eye problems. It must be something else.
• It is most likely a sinus infection.
• If I am still concerned about it I can come to the Moran Eye Center in Salt Lake.

I think the best part of being in the medical world is that people disagree all the time. So, the decision is up to me. 

What do I think? 

• It's a side effect from the chemotherapy. With a compromised immune system, anything is possible, so it is unwise to say that something could not be related to a drug. We simply do not know or understand all of the potential side effects that drugs can have.
• I think I have an infection in my eye, and a minor one in my sinuses, and that left alone an abscess can develop behind my eye. 
• So I'm taking the antibiotic. My eye began to improve the same day I took the first dose in the morning.

Thus the gratitude I felt for pain as I drove with roses to the church for an amazing program celebrating some young ladies in our ward.

I am thankful for additional information and opinions on issues. I am thankful for spiritual insight and promptings to help me understand my body. When it is said and done, I make the decisions, so I  want them to be good ones!  

Things I Learned this Week

I learned a couple of things this week:

1. ALWAYS walk after an infusion. I was SO sore the next day because I didn't walk afterward. Like I had run a marathon and not stretched after. Talk about tight!

2. Don't begin a mystery novel during an infusion. It is way too tempting to stay up and finish it, and sleep is kind of important after an infusion.

3. When getting a salad at the salad bar, it is best to leave one's half-gallon water jug back at the infusion center. Unless you have three hands of course.

4. When meeting new nurses it is alway a good idea to ask them where they are from and if they like living in Utah. It opens up all sorts of paths to conversations.

5. When having PTA meetings, it's a good idea to have a secretary there. Trying to conduct and take the minutes is a bit challenging. 

6. Emotions connected to the spine have to do with support. My feelings about support have come to the surface, and it has been a great opportunity to work through some misconceptions and false beliefs I had. Hurray for emotional work!

7. I am super supported. By friends, family, my ward, priesthood leaders, random people at Huntsman, and of course God. 

Hurray for learning new things!

New Adventures

I had my first infusion of the new stuff on Thursday. The best part about the infusion room? 

Yoga.
That's right. Yoga.

I got to have an infusion for 90 minutes, then be observd for 90 minutes, which was new for me. After chemotherapy I have always felt restless, like I need to walk. I think it's my body trying to get the toxins out. Well, after my infusion I could not leave and go for a walk like I did before. That would interfere with the observation part. 

So I did yoga. Right there in the infusion room in front of my chair. The best part is that no one even looked at me strange. I think they have seen more bizarre things than that! After 8 minutes of deep breathing and stretches I felt much better.

Now for the next awesome adventure: I sprained my lower back this morning! It was great! I was supposed to be leaving for activity days in a couple of minutes. I was leaning over the sink in the bathroom and I sneezed. I felt a pop or shift in my lower back, around L5 and then pain radiated out to both sides of my body. I collopased to the floor unable to move or even breath well because of the pain. Pretty intense!

I sat there for several minutes trying to catch my breath, and thinking that I had all the stuff for activity days and I really needed to go. How was I going to do this?

I said a prayer. I explained my situation and asked for healing enough so I could make it to activity days, if that's where He wanted me to be. After the prayer I could get up, and even breath pretty normal. I managed to load the car with art supplies, and drive the block to the activity. 

As I taught about the 13th Article of Faith I had the impression that this is where I needed to be, and that the girls needed to hear what I was saying.

I mean how cool is that? 

It's AWESOME!

This scripture sums up how I feel...

...yea, and he also gave them strength, that they should suffer no manner of afflictions, save it were swallowed up in the joy of Christ. Now this was according to the prayer of Alma; and this because he prayed in faith. (Alma 31:38)

So happy Saturday!

Drugs, Drugs, Drugs

Visited the doctor last Thursday, which was AWESOME!

He prescribed drugs, because he's an oncologist. I think if I had been speaking with a surgeon, then the option of removing my ovaries would have been brought up. In fact, I know that's what would have happened, because I was told by a breast cancer surgeon that if I did not respond well to the tamoxifen she would, "yank [my] ovaries." Nice.

But I was speaking with a chemotherapy expert, so naturally that's what he advised.

Flashback to last Sunday.

Sitting in the primary room listening to a regional stake conference. One of the speakers mentioned Nephi. He said that Nephi "refused to become discouraged" when attempting to get the brass plates. He kept going and trusting in the Lord until he was successful. What stood out to me was that Nephi made the choice to not become discouraged. He refused. 

That concept hit home with me and I felt impressed that that message was for me. So I too refuse to become discouraged. I also thought about Laban and how Nephi was told to kill him. Nephi was like, "What!? This goes against everything I believe in!" But he trusted in the Lord and followed the prompting.

Back to the doctor's office.

Discussing chemotherapy options. 

Do taxol again? I cringed inside at that idea and knew I could not do it.

Another option was brought up. A targeted drug. A combination of herceptin - a receptor targeting/blocker drug - and chemotherapy. Because they are combined into one drug it works differently. The chemotherapy only attacks the cells that the herceptin takes it to, which are the cancer cells with her-2 receptors. Then the cells are killed from the inside because the herceptin pulls the chemotherapy inside the cells. This targeted approach has fewer side effects and is less toxic to one's body than regular chemotherapy.

As we discuss this drug I feel peace. I feel this is a good thing. Part of me screams, "What!? This goes against everything I believe in!" But for reasons unseen to me, this is my path. So I roll with it, and everything will work out great! It always does!

So here's to more adventures in Salt Lake.
Here's to more time in the infusion room.
Here's to more time with my sisters in Centerville.
And here's to more things to learn along the way.

I love life.
I love the challenges it brings.
I love that I get to experience this.
I would not trade it for anything.
I have learned far too much! 

Best Scan EVER!

I had the best scan I have ever had last week. I kind of broke some of the rules, which is probably why it was so cool. For a PET scan after a patient is injected with radioactive sugar they are supposed to sit still and relax in a dark room and drink goo. It gets really old, especially since after you do that for over an hour, you then go lay on a table and hold completely still for another 40 minutes.

So, when I was supposed to be relaxing and drinking goo, I read a book. I also only drank half the goo, doing this so I could keep it down. I feel that activities to prevent boredom-induced comas are important in the healing process.

The scan showed lots of cool activity all over! Awesome! The cancer spread to lots of places in my spine, which is new and very exciting. It's still in one lymph node and the tumors in the breast have grown a bit. I knew the treatment was not working, but now I know where it has spread. Very cool.

Now what I get to do:

I get to do work on support - that's what emotions are linked to the spine.
I get to do work on diet - cut out all animal protein
I get to do work on spiritually - because when all is said and done, that is where healing comes from.

Thanks for all of your prayers and support. I feel blessed to be able to heal, learn and grow here in mortality. 

And I'm just so thankful for this opportunity. 

Hurray!

I now get to visit with my doctor and see what he says. Dun...Dun...Dun...

More Scans - Because they are Awesome!

I have a PET scan scheduled next week. 
You may say, "but isn't there a lifetime limit on those?" 
Why yes, yes there is. But apparently I get lots!!

The treatment I was on was not so effective, so Doctor and friends want to take more pictures to see more stuff. Hopefully that will help us all make good decisions.

I'm not afraid of this. 

At times I discuss health matters with others, and some seem very frightened. I understand why, but I just am not afraid. 

I see this as a time to learn and grow. I do not see Cancer as the enemy. I see it as a symptom. A symptom of an imbalanced body. Seeking to restore balance has brought me a great deal of joy. I once heard a cancer survivor say that if you ask someone who has cancer why they have it, they always know. I thought about that, and he was right in my case. I know. I'm working on it. And I am so thankful for the opportunity.

Ribs

I had a fun, new adventure last week.

I was leaving the elementary school after setting up PTA stuff for registration. When we got to the car, my two-year-old wanted to be put down. I twisted as I did so, and heard a pop. Right in my ribcage.

Yep, I sprained a rib. I had no idea one could sprain a rib, but I did! Yes!

I decided to go to a doctor since it was swelling. I learned that medical professionals used to wrap up sprained ribs, but then patients were dying of pneumonia because they couldn't breath deeply enough to clear out their lungs. That was interesting.

As long as I keep my left arm at my side, I'm pretty good. So here's to six months of healing and to a six week hiatus from karate.

Oil Pulling

I read recently that doing this little thing called, "oil pulling" can be beneficial. Basically you put a teaspoon of oil in your mouth and swish it around for ten minutes (some people say 15 to 20 minutes). I usually only last about 3 to 5, but even doing that much I have seen benefit. 

What oil to use? 
Recommend coconut oil, grapeseed oil, extra virgin olive oil, or tea seed oil. Some people use canola oil or sunflower oil or safflower oil, but I don't use any of those three oils as they tend to be rancid oils and promote free radicals. Oil pulling is best done in the morning, before eating or drinking anything. However, some people say to do it right before bed at night. So I'd say try the time that works for you.

Apparently, quite a few studies support this process, and a lot of people have seen benefit. Claims range from whitening teeth, making breth fresher, to massive improvements in oral health, and in one's overall health. It is supposed to pull bacteria out of your mouth and even other parts of your body via your mouth. For this reason, don't swallow the oil, be sure to spit it out.

My experience.
I'm still new to this, but every time I do it I feel better. I feel lighter and have more energy after. That's what I notice. It may have helped my extracted tooth heal, though I contribute most of that to cayenne pepper. I'd recommend giving it a go. If nothing else, it will help use up some of that organic coconut oil sitting on your shelf.

Here's a link for more info:

http://authoritynutrition.com/oil-pulling-coconut-oil/

Teeth

I had a great experience today. I got a root canal extracted! Hurray!

I got this gem when I was seventeen. I had an infection in a tooth and my dentist said to me, "we've got to clean this out." Twenty minutes later he is telling me about my root canal. I am thinking, "What?! I had a root canal done?! That would have been nice to know before the fact."

I recently learned that root canals regularly turn toxic, harbor bacteria, and can even be linked to cancer. Crazy right?!

So after a cool scan that showed dead bone around my root canal tooth, where my body was trying to get rid of the dead tooth, I opted to have it taken out.

I now have a cool hole in my mouth. That doesn't happen every day!

Other interesting info: the roots of my root canal tooth were black. I wasn't too surprised since I could see black under the crown- and had for years. The dentist even took a picture. He said, "I can write and write about this stuff, but nothing explains it like a picture." So maybe I'll have a famous tooth showing black roots that can happen in a root canal. Yep, I'm gonna be famous!

After I got home the only way to describe how I felt was relieved. I felt like my body just breathed a sigh of relief to have that toxic tooth out of my body. I feel better now, sour mouth and all, than I have felt in a long time.

I get to drink smoothies without a straw for a few days. Handy that I already have great recipes for smoothies. I also get to rinse with salt water and put drops on the extraction site.

Ready for the best part? I get a cool "denture tooth" called a "spider partial denture." It's a fake tooth that clips onto the two teeth on either side of the hole. Removable and all. I have arrived at the definition of cool!

Thank you for sharing my joy at having this tooth gone. It's a pretty awesome day!

Grateful

I had a scan several weeks ago. It indicated that several little tumors came back. At first I felt scared, then I decided that was silly, because that wasn't going to help me get better, so I changed how I felt.

I now feel grateful.

Grateful that the little guys came back, because obviously there is more work I need to do.
Grateful that my body is telling me where the work needs to be done.
Grateful for a blessing that gave me more direction.
Grateful for numerous resources available to me in this journey.
Grateful for receptor blocker drugs that I get to take now.
Grateful for others who have done challenging things and showed me an example of courage.

I am also grateful because it gave me an opportunity to stand up for myself to my doctor. He is a great guy, but he tried to tell me that he was responsible for my health care. I corrected him and told him that, "no, it is my body, my health, and I am responsible. I make the decisions, not him." I don't think he had ever had a patient tell him that before. It was good for our relationship, because now I feel a partnership with him. Before it seemed he was used to people asking questions, then doing whatever he said. Perhaps even giving their power over to him and making him responsible.

I cannot do that.

I will not allow another person to have my power. I am responsible for my health, my body, and my decisions. It may seem trite when written, but it was a huge shift inside me to be able to claim this for myself and then be able to stand behind it.

Exercise

My doctor told me that, "people who exercise tend to do better."

I once was really consistent at exercising...then I had kids.

I was consistent again when first diagnosed with cancer, and then the kids were still there, and we moved, and my legs hurt, bla, bla, bla...

To support my daughters, who are taking karate classes, I attended their free Mother's Day "bring your mom and do karate with her" night. It was very fun. The catch? After class they say, "if you sign up for karate, Moms, it's only $50.00 a month.

So naturally I sign up.

I now exercise regularly, at least the twice a week of my karate class.

It takes me the rest of the week to recover from the push ups, squats, jumping push ups things, and cart wheels. Not to mention kicking and punching bags.

Did you know that karate uses EVERY MUSCLE IN YOU ENTIRE BODY?

Well, it does.

So thanks to super food smoothies that help me recover from said muscle excretion, I'm spending less time in recovery each week.

Soon, I might be able to attend the second class of the week without tearing up from fatigue and trying to remember all the combinations.

So, Doc, now I am "doing better" and getting oxygen to my cells.

Goal reached.

Raw

I have been experimenting with raw foods. 

Why raw food? It's all about live energy. We are living beings, and so we need living energy. Raw food enthusiasts wholeheartedly embrace this idea. By not heating or cooking food all of the living energy can be transferred to our bodies. That's why fresh fruits and vegetables give us more clarity of thought, energy, and we just feel better. Our bodies are getting what they need as a base level and don't have to work at breaking down complicated proteins to get fuel.

I don't really think I will ever go completely raw, because when I try I begin eating more sugary foods. For me, I'm aiming for about 70% to 80% raw. I still want my pastured chicken and wild caught salmon and halibut- good quality meat in moderation.  I notice that when I focus more on eating 80% of my food raw with lots of vegetables, life is just better.

I am by no means a raw foodist, I'll leave that up to amazing cooks like Omar from Omar's Rawtopia in Sugarhouse: http://www.omarsrawtopia.com/

I do like to try new things - so I use a lot of recipes from some favorite websites. 

Here's a few:

The Rawtarian
http://www.therawtarian.com/

Clean Cuisine and More (some raw, some not)
http://www.cleancuisineandmore.com/

Nouveau Raw
http://nouveauraw.com/raw-recipes/

I Love Raw Food Recipes
http://www.rawfoodrecipes.com/

MOMables.com (not raw but glutin and dairy free)
http://www.momables.com/recipe-index/

Happy non-cooking!

Super Foods

What is a "super food" anyway?

It is a food that is packed with many different kinds of nutrients, so a little goes a long way. Here are some I learned more about recently. 

Don't know what some of these are...look them up! They are pretty amazing!

• Goji Berries - they have more than 30 trace minerals, are a complete protein with 18 amino acids, they boost HDH, and are also known as a 'wolf berry.'

• Raw Cacao - high antioxidant (20 times higher than green tea, and 15 times higher than blueberries), has a natural bliss chemical, and high in magnesium (so good before a workout).

• Maca Powder - it gives the body energy when it is spent, it holds onto energy until the body needs it and then releases it, repairs the blood brain barrier, helps those addicted to chemicals wean off them, works as a hormone replacement, balances hormones, and it gives energy, endurance and strength (1 Tbs a day for women, 2 Tbs for men).

• Bee Pollen - helps get rid of allergies, gives natural high energy, helps eliminate free radicals, helps with muscle growth and definition, helps with acne, aging and wrinkles, can help relieve type 2 diabetes by restoring deficiencies, it is 25% protein, can eat straight or put into a smoothie, when new to bee pollen begin with 2 granules and work up to 1 tsp a day, and keep it in the fridge.

• Raw Honey - healthiest form of a sweetener, increases reflexes, increases IQ, improves mental alacrity, helps with gestational problems (IBS, diarrhea, stomach problems, intestinal issues), balances the nervous system, good on cuts, great after a workout, good as a face mask (put it on raw after washing your face).

• Spirulina - an algae from the ocean, 65-71% protein, all 18 essential amino acids, as much iron as red meat, good source of chlorophyll, contains natural salt, and antiinflammatory, take 1 Tb a day.

• Chlorella - also an algae, more chlorophyll than any other food, blood cleanser, supports the brain and liver, helps those with addictions wean off, improves digestion, protects against radiation, and accelerates the healing process.

• Hemp Seeds - make you happy! They are just good for you, 35% digestible protein, 75% fat, 12% carbohydrates.

• Coconut - use the young coconut in the white skin, 90% saturated fat, awesome oil, helps the body utilize blood sugar, helps with absorption of calcium and magnesium, when taken with other super foods it doubles the nutrients you absorb, and it helps the thyroid. (Check out the book The Coconut Oil Miracle, by Bruce Fife, C.N., N.D.)

Water

Drinking water is a good thing.

Through this journey I learned a bit about words and water. In the book, The Hidden Messages in Water, Dr. Masaru Emoto, shows the results of his water study.

He wrote words on dishes, put water in the dishes and froze them. Then took pictures of the water crystals.

Result:

Words like Love, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Hope, and Let's Do It!, other positive words created beautiful and complete crystals.

On the contrary, words like Hate, Fear, Anger, You Make Me Sick, I Will Kill You!, Do It!, and other negative words or orders created distorted and incomplete crystals. Some not even crystals at all, but just a disarray of water that looked, well, ugly.

Additionally, Dr. Emoto played music for the water found beautiful, well formed crystals with classical and other instrumental music. Heavy metal music looked like a bad ink blot. My personal favorite was the crystal of Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake.

The author then took the most beautiful and complete crystals, those exposed to both "Love and Gratitude," and placed them next to a television and computer. The crystals both broke apart into indiscriminate masses.

You can see some of his results here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAvzsjcBtx8

I then thought about my body being made of 70 % water. What are the words I think doing to the water in my body? How do my interactions with others affect my water and their water? I simply cannot afford to stay in a negative place...so matter how right I may think I am. :)

I even started writing positive words on my water bottles.

I want and need the water in my body to be the best it can, so I choose the better part. The positive part.

Drug Wars

What have I been up to?

Well, I planted flowers, read a book or two, and changed the drugs for my treatment.

I was having a lot of leg pain, and it was not getting better. Despite my doctor’s assurances that it was the taxol (chemo drug) that caused the pain, and it would gradually get better, it was getting worse.

I decided one day that I had never had a break from the other two drugs, but have had them every three weeks consistently. I opted to miss a treatment in order to see what happened. After that six week hiatus my legs felt a ton better. I could stand and wash dishes, cook meals, go shopping, and do all sorts of things that I could not do before the break.

Armed with this information, and after much discussion, the doctor changed my next infusion to only Herceptin so we could follow its progress. Result: leg pain and feet tingling mid-infusion, legs feeling like lead the next morning, and intense leg pain for about two weeks.

Three weeks later, after fending off defensive nurses who said, “I've never heard of Herceptin having side effects like that!” or “Herceptin usually doesn't cause leg pain,” we tried just doing an infusion of Pertuzumab. Result: my legs feel fine. My muscles are a bit sour, as is a noted side effect of the drug.

So I’ll go on enjoying my flowers, reading a new book, and not worry anymore about leg pain.

Ode To Huntsman Cancer Institute

A Walk Through Huntsman

Today I walk through these halls
Once I came here weekly.
Now I see things differently
But the same mix of emotions exist here.

There is fear in people's eyes.
There is hope in others'.
There is resignation is some.
There is despair in others.

Many seem to accept the limitations,
Others strive for more.
Perhaps the answer is in the next research study,
Perhaps through the next door.

There is hope, healing, and comfort,
There is reason to smile.
The answers here may be incomplete,
But they go the extra mile.

Friendliness ensues and
Smiles are common.
Cute hats abound and
Resources summon.

"The decision is up to you"
Many doctors say,
"We provide counsel"
and will from day to day.

Machines beep,
Needles abound,
Blood count matters and
Blood pressure makes a sound,

Is it all for not?
Do people still die?
Of course they do
Life is terminal after all.

Are we to say what is "too young?"
Do we know when someone's work is done?
There are reasons beyond what we see,
There is a purpose far beyond mortality.

Everyone has an opinion,
They all have evidence.
Finding what is right for me?
That takes humility and confidence.

Confidence that others have been healed,
Hope that little things matter.
Motivation to seek more information,
Serenity to accept what is...and what cannot be changed.

Is there a purpose to all of this?
One that we seem to miss?
Those who are in positions of trust
Now serve others, it seems they must.

This process changes me,
Turns us into people who
Are willing to bear another's burden,
And serve with no hope of reward.

It is a process
Just as Jesus said,
To become like He is,
To follow Him, our Head.

The Secondary Emotion

Something I learn again and again is that I am a multidimensional being. When I improve in one area, it brings up things in another. Or when I work in one area, it heals on two or three levels. 

Often times when I feel hurt or am afraid I feel angry. Anger is a secondary emotion that is very useful. It means something needs to change and anger gives the motivation to change it. In order to not stay in anger, however, I have learned that I need to understand the primary emotion behind anger. Am I scared? Hurt? Offended? Proud? Embarrassed? Frustrated (which is having unmet, and often unrealistic expectations)?

It is easier to feel angry, an emotion of change and "control" than it is to feel vulnerable. But when I am truly humble, I allow myself to feel vulnerable and that's where healing occurs.

I once learned that fear is believing a lie, and anger is protecting a lie. Using this as a tool, I am able to locate the lie behind my emotions and work through the emotion at the root...and they get taken care of for good. 

Anger is awesome. When used appropriately I am able find what is really bothering me. It helps me change what needs to be changed, and when it is worked through I feel a much needed calm. 

I don't feel nearly as stressed or upset by things as I used to. I guess letting go of negative emotions and negative energy really pays off.

I feel healthier too!

It's great being multidimensional!

Self-Worth

Feelings of self-worth are interesting.

Is my worth determined by my ability to keep a house clean?
Is it determined by the time I spend reading with a child?
How about how much attention I receive from my husband?
The way I serve others?
or maybe the number of complements I receive about my hair?
Perhaps it is determined by the amount of time I spend reading the scriptures?
Or attending worship services?

Is it negatively affected when I loose my temper with a child?
Or think unkind thoughts about others?
Does my self-worth level drop when I sin?

Or could it be that my worth is not touched by any of these things.
That my worth is infinite and eternal and does not change.
That I am bought with a price and am not my own.

When I focus on the latter three ideas, my whole world feels lighter. Nothing I do can or will affect my level of worth. It has already been determined by someone far wiser than myself. 

As I allow others to be where they are, and allow myself to be where I am, I feel peace. I am also able to allow myself to feel my own worth, without relation to anyone else. 

Real and lasting feelings of worth come from up above and from deep inside. When I am truly honest with myself, I can only say that I am important, I matter, what I want matters, what I have to say is important, I am worth taking care of, and I accept myself and approve of myself exactly where I am right now.

Green Smoothies and Other Green Things

I was never one for vegetables in smoothies, but now I am. I began with adding spinach, because it's tasteless with fruit. Then I got more agressive and added kale and chard- not so tasteless. I have come up with is recipe that I really like, but I admit it got there in stages.

Green Smoothie:
(OG stands for organic)

OG Kale 1-2 leaves

OG spinach 1-2 cups

OG Chard 1 big leaf, or two small ones

OG berries (strawberries, blue berries, raspberries, cherries, etc.) 1-2 cups

goji berries 1/4 cup - these are detoxifying 

chia seeds 1-2 Tbs - packed with omega 3 & 6

flax seeds 1-2 Tbs - omega 3&6 and cancer fighting

Juice of a whole lemon - liver cleansing

A few sprigs of parsley (not Italian) - liver cleansing
2-3 cups distilled or reverse osmosis water

Sometimes an avacado

Sometimes a banana, but I find that too sweet now

if it's not sweet enough I put in a date 
I also have a green powder with OG algie and other detoxifying agents that I like to 
put in 1 tsp to 2 Tbs. 

As for other green things, my awesome husband has been away at a computer conference. That leaves me with three energetic girls...so the other day we pulled out the wagon and went for a walk around the neighborhood. My two older girls picked grass, weeds, dirt, and rocks to make a home for worms. Result? The oldest child created a box of mixed dirt, but didn't want to take it outside because it might get ruined by rain. It's now in the garage. The second oldest cutie made mud pies...on my porch... right in front of the front door. 

AWESOME! Bring on Spring!

The third result is that my legs felt like lead the next day. This is more walking than I have done in a while because I was saving my leg strength for the most important things.

I guess it's time for another foot bath.

And another smoothie...those make everything better!

Doctor Visits

At times I spend the day thoroughly amused by my experience in the medical culture. 

For example, I met with a surgeon (per my oncologist's request) and the conversation went something like this:

Doc: We don't have a lot of studies that provide evidence that surgery would improve survival. In fact, none of them do for fourth stage.

Me: I don't want surgery.

Doc: Good, because I would not recommend it for you.

Later meeting with the radiation doctor:

Doc: There are not studies that support doing radiation in your situation. There is a general trend to spot radiate, but no data driven studies to support it.

Me: I don't want radiation.

Doc: Well, that sways it. There is not a compelling reason to go after it in this way anyway.

Ultrasound with imaging doctor:

Doc: There is a bump here, it looks like a ball of fat.

Me: Cool.

So I continue as I am. Chuckling at the amount of time spent waiting in exam rooms, waiting rooms and in driving. 

And through it all each doctor is very surprised and even amazed that the cancer is all gone. 

Good times.

Flax Seed

I have been learning about flax seed lately. One thing I learned is that recent research shows that flax is really great at keeping cancer away. In fact, some studies out of France indicate that taking a tablespoon of flax a day could be used as a new treatment. So I put at least a tablespoon of flax seed in my smoothie every morning. I also like to put flax seed oil on my salads - just don't heat it.

I figure it's a cheep, healthy way to keep cancer away.

Detoxifying

One of the fun, new things I get to experience through this journey is leg pain. I also got to experience it when I was pregnant, but this pain is in my bones. That is a new adventure for me. Despite my doctor's assurances that the pain would decrease then go away, the pain was getting worse, not better.

I finally paid a visit to my friend Margareta, who has an iconic foot detoxifying bath. After 30 minutes and sediment in the water, my legs felt sore. But it was a different sore than I'd experienced before. Two days later I could stand longer than I had been able to for weeks. In the past I had to choose one thing to do a day - shopping or cooking or cleaning - then I had to sit or lay down. Saturday I went shopping, early in the morning, then made two meals and did dishes. That was huge for me!

It seems that this foot bath helped pull toxins out of my body left there by chemotherapy. 

I also noticed that I don't need to sleep as much, and I wake up much more alert. I am not saying this is to answer to all of the world's ills, but after two visits my legs are feeling a lot better. Hurray!

You can learn more about iconic foot baths here: 

http://www.pacificcollege.edu/acupuncture-massage-news/articles/1304-the-ionic-foot-detox-fact-or-myth.html

Side Effects

Side effects have their pros and cons.

The first “side effect” I experienced was before I ever began Chemotherapy. I was staying at my sister’s house, and she introduced me to alkalized water. Having cancer, at that time, you can imagine my system was pretty acidic and unbalanced. I watched a Louise Hay video and drank alkalized water. Then some more. I started getting a headache, so thinking water would help it go away, I sipped some more. Two hours later my system had had enough and I made a visit to the bathroom to get rid of dinner.

I learned that when one is really sick, unbalanced, acidic, whatever, that first steps are the hardest. The most extreme “side effects” came from my own unbalanced body as I tried to take steps in the right direction to get well.  Detoxifying can be painful, and needs to be done slowly to limit extreme reactions. I never went back to an acidic diet, so I can say that was the last vomit experience I had through this process.

Diarrhea is another fun “side effect” of detoxifying. It’s a great way to get toxins and gunk out of our bodies. We just don’t want to lose too much too quickly. I was actually excited when I had diarrhea after a chemo treatment, because that told me that my body was working hard to rid itself of poisons. I worked hard to keep hydrated. 

Another side effect worthy of note is feelings of restlessness. After a chemo treatment I felt like going for a walk or a jog just to get the stuff out of my system. I would drink at least a gallon of water on the day I had treatment to help my body purge the toxins out. 

My favorite side effect? Confusion about what to eat. I don’t know if that is really a side effect from anything other than my choices in diet change. When one cuts out all of the things I have, the options left need help to be diverse. I’ve had to educate myself a lot on how to prepare meals that my children will eat and that meet my self-imposed diet restrictions. It is so worth it though. My daughters now ask for snacks of carrots and cucumbers, apples are a treat, and salmon is praised as sooooo good. They even know how they prefer their Brussels sprouts prepared.

So I guess that’s my most favorite side effect. Daughters who eat healthy food, choose healthy food, and can save their candy from school to eat a little at a time.

Yep, side effects have pros and cons. I prefer to see them all as pros. After all, it is these side effects that let us see the fruits of our medications and our choices.

Happy effects today!!  

Aluminum and Teflon

As I go through things that have been in storage for over a year, I am getting rid of LOTS of it. Including my Teflon pans. Why? Oh, just the carcinogen in them. The EPA and companies who make Teflon have agreed to have the cancer-causing agent out of Teflon by 2015. So stainless steel it is for me. Good thing I have my spray-able grape seed  and coconut oils.

I have also ridded myself of products with aluminum in them. Such as: antiperspirant (I found some 'natural' stuff without it), baking soda (I just learned that aluminum-free baking soda exists), and, well, aluminum. It is linked to cancer, breast cancer in particular. Carrageenan is also a carcinogen, and is found in some brands of almond milk and other drinks.

I only put on my skin stuff I could eat. Everything I put on my skin gets absorbed into my body, going to my blood, and well, everywhere. So my lotion is organic and made of stuff I could ingest. My soap is the same. One day, when I have hair to wash again, I'll use shampoo along these lines too.

Perhaps one day I'll even try making lotion...nah, that's not going to happen.