What I Learned from a PET Scan

> The "berry smoothie" drink I was given to highlight my digestive system is the worst smoothie ever. It's even worse than my kale, hemp seed surprise.

> Sitting alone in a dark room at 7 am when my baby kept me up a lot the night before equals a nap.

> Finding a nurse on the fourth floor at 6:30 am to access my port is more involved than the radiology nurse made it sound.

> PET stands for Positron Emissions Tomography. That sounds fancy!

> Being radioactive is painless.

> As nice as the technicians and nurses are, sometimes they still refer to patients as "that lady."

New Friends

We moved last week. 

I have some new friends:

1- Latex gloves. They protect my very dry, cracked, bleeding fingers from water, other kitchen dangers, and boxes. As one of the unforeseen side effects of chemo, my skin is amazingly dry. Wearing latex gloves when I cook, clean, open boxes, or sort through stuff has eased the pain of my hands a lot. 

2- Keith's pocket box cutter. It cuts tape and boxes and makes opening them or collapsing them a breeze.

3- Curious George cartoons on You Tube. They have entertained my baby many times when I needed to pack, clean, cook or unpack. Now I just need to wean her off of them.

4- Essential oils. I have been standing A LOT this past week, and a consequence has been increased neuropathy in my lower legs and feet. Using oils and resting my legs has helped a great deal. I really just need to figure out how to set up a household while sitting down reading a book.

5- Main floor laundry. No walking laundry up or down stairs. Enough said.

I'm sure that my neighbors are nice, and I've met a few who seem great. Soon I hope to add people to my list of new friends.

Allowing

My new favorite word is ALLOW.

I allow others the freedom to be who they are.

I allow others to have their emotional stuff/baggage and I don't have to fix it.
I allow them to be who they are without trying to change them.
I allow them to be, without my judgement.
I allow them to be happy, peaceful, successful, and to be safe and free.
I allow them to be them without my intervention.

I allow myself to be me.
I allow me to be beautiful, smart, happy, positive, fun, and healthy.
I will not downplay who I am for others to feel better.
I allow them their insecurities and their strengths, and I allow myself to be free.

I allow God into my life.
I allow myself to grow in His light.
I allow His plan for me to take priority in my life.
I allow His vision of who I really am to become my vision of myself.

Control has no place here.

Fear

Fear is an interesting emotion.

It stops action.
It creates other actions.
It causes people to overreact and have emotional outbursts.
It drives extreme behavior.
It leads people to seek reassurance from others they might not otherwise trust.
It often gets covered up by anger.
It is often misunderstood and mislabeled.
It gets held onto, as if that will make one safer.
It is usually suppressed.
It does not create positive emotions.
It has a very low frequency.
It is the opposite of faith.

What I have learned recently concerning fear:

*It is so conquerable!
*It does not have to drive us, but we can choose to let it go.
*Our thoughts are so very powerful, I create what I have in my life by my thoughts. Whenever I find negative thoughts creeping in, they get stopped and replaced with positive ones stating what is really true and what I really want.
*Fear has physical manifestations when suppressed for long periods of time. Holding onto that much stress has consequences.
*Faith is by far more powerful than fear.

Healing happens at all levels: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Work also needs to be done at all levels, and any work done in one area affects the other three. My healing experience is all incompasing. The more I work and learn and let things go, the deeper the healing gets, at all levels.

What a miracle healing is.

Pilgrim 5K

I participated in my first 5K race this fine Thanksgiving morning. It was a lovely walk with my 71 year-old mother. I had other sisters who participated, but they all ran and left us in the dust. 

One runner got hit by a deer; I bet that's something you don't hear every day about racing. The guy came around a corner, and a deer was there. Cool story in that runner's world.

I even had a piece of pie for dessert today. How did I manage that and still eat clean? Thanks to my awesome sister-in-law and this website: http://cleancuisineandmore.com
It worked out great!

I am amazed at the wealth of clean recipes available. I believe my taste buds have changed, and that I like foods now that maybe I would not have months ago. 

On another note, I enjoyed a lymphatic massage a couple of weeks ago. It did wonders on my feet that have been struggling a bit with neuropathy. I am also doing lymph brushing which has assisted my body in releasing toxins and other goo. For more on lymph brushing, check out this video, it gives some basic info: 
www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZfMhXsjXeQ

Happy Holidays!

Tumors and Vertigo

I learned the other day at the doctor that the tumor in my breast has shrunk a lot. It was first measured (via an MRI) at 7 cm x 4 cm x 2 cm, so roughly the size of a long lemon. It is now (2 months later) about 2 cm, or the size of a small almond.

Both my doctor and his physician's assistant (PA) we're excited to see such progress. I got the impression from the PA that this was really rapid tumor shrinkage, and it was encouraging to hear.

On another note, I woke up Monday morning so dizzy I couldn't get out go bed for 20 minutes, and could barely walk. Someone else had to drive my daughters to school, because driving was out of the question. It improved later in the day, and by Tuesday was all but gone.

However, because I'm a cancer patient, I reported the symptom to my doctor, who sent me to an acute care clinic the same day.

Her analysis?

"Because you are a cancer patient, nothing is normal, so we have to check everything. But sometimes even cancer patients get normal things."
It wasjust an inner ear unbalance.

So no brain scan this week!
Bummer, that could be a fun adventure!

But it was a very fun adventure to go to an acute care clinic for the first time. Plus, I got to have my blood pressure taken close to eight times, all in different positions.
That was also a first.

So hurray for tumor shrinkage, and hurray for being normal!!

Questions

When visiting a doctor, it is important to ask questions.

It is even more important to ask important questions:

1. Why is this scan/biopsy/treatment necessary?
2. Will the information you get from this scan/biopsy influence treatment, and if so, how?
3. What are the expected side effects of this treatment?
4. Is side effect x normal?
5. I don't feel comfortable with treatment y, what else is available?
6. I understand this part, but I am not clear on this other part, will you explain it again?
7. Where can I get more information on this subject?

I don't ask doctors about diet recommendations because they typically don't know. I prefer to educate myself in that area.

Then there are the really important questions:

1. Where are you from?
2. Are you married?
3. Do you have any pets?
4. Where do your children go to school?
5. Have you ever been to Hawaii?
6. Do you like being a doctor? What is your favorite part?
7. Do you speak Chinese? (Yes, I really asked my doctor this, and he only speaks a little)
8. Where do you like to go on vacation?

These may seem silly, but I have found that getting to know my doctor as a person makes it much easier to talk about confusing or new medical terms and concepts. I feel much more comfortable calling with questions, and even joking with him.

So ask questions...you will be surprised at the connections you make.

Cancer Blessings

Fatigue - it allows me time to cuddle and read with my girls
Introduction to "Whole Foods"
Intirduction to Asian Markets
Motivation to eat really healthy
Opportunity to spend time with my sisters in SLC
Introduced to Tracendental Meditation
Met Karen's Energy and all it has to offer
Walks through Liberty Park
I have been able to heal from old emotional wounds
I really rest on Sunday now
Numb toes - I got a break from chemo for a week
I have a reason to use essential oils
I have been able to share what I am learning with others
My husband, two of his brothers, and my father-in-law all shaved their heads to show support.
My girls have more time to spend with their father and grandparents

Health and Cancer

One of the things I learned while pursuing a masters degree in health is that one must be wise in looking into health and nutrition. There are many conflicting ideas, most with supporting evidence.

But sometimes I fear my concern in seeking for "valuable and accurate" health information leads me away from valuable health information. Sure, method x or ideology y may not have 100 research studied to back them up, but there is evidence to support them as worthwhile practices.

I find it takes real humility and openness to consider things that are not mainstream. To really look at the whole person: emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. It takes an open mind to look into traditionally Eastern ideas and methods of care. 

Our Western medicine has many great aspects, but I feel that it is limited. There is more I can do. More ways to heal, and more levels in which to learn. I have found great benefits by considering dietary changes, mental and emotional changes, meditation, and by looking at myself as more than just a physical being.

I learned many things in graduate school, not the least of which was how to rewrite. However, I don't want my very Western education, and way of looking at things through the eyes of a researcher, to limit my ability to find valuable and worthwhile health information. I want to be open to treatment and ideas that address the underline illness that caused or allowed this cancer to grow in the first place.

Therein is power. Therein is change. Therein is hope.

Hair

We did it! We cut off my hair.

It was AWESOME!

My hair was falling out by the bucket load, and yes, that is a metric bucket load for those who need to know.

Now when I look at myself in the mirror I think of my brothers. Perhaps it's because my youngest brother sported a buzz for a long time -- I guess he still does. Or perhaps it's because none of them really have hair, or perhaps my hair has been such a defining feature of my appearance for so long that without it it's just hard to wrap my mind around how I look.

Both of my older girls helped to cut my hair and they each saved some, "so we can compare it when your hair grows back in, Mom."

We went to a school meeting last night, so I wore one of my wigs. My husband came late, and he said he only recognized me by my voice. Maybe I'll change wigs every time I want to go unnoticed somewhere.

What a fun adventure this is!

What Chemotherapy is Teaching Me...

How Going Through Chemotherapy is like Pregnancy:

1. Everyone asks you how you feel
2. Your skin changes
3. Your weight changes
4. Fatigue is a constant companion
5. Foods you used to love now upset your stomach 
6. Walking is the recommended exercise
7. Blood pressure is taken at least once a month
8. You get used to needles and blood being drawn
9. You know all the nurses by name
10. Everyone asks "how much longer?" 

What I Learned from Walking with My Daughter:

1. Rocks are best when small
2. Feathers, string, and spent fireworks all make great treasures
3. Birds fly and walk
4. Yelling, "yodel-a hee hoo" means she is ready to go to a friend's house
5. Sometimes you just need to rest from riding your bike and sit on the grass
6. Hop scotch can be played on any colorful surface
7. Choosing a new direction to go is most of the fun
8. Chemotherapy cannot diminish the joy of the walk 

Weight Loss

One of the side effects of my lifestyle changes is that I have lost some weight. I had no intention of loosing weight, nor did I think I really needed to. I was perfectly happy with how I looked. 

In fact, if someone were to promote the same lifestyle changes to me as a way to loose weight, I would not have listened or even considered implementing them. I guess I'm just tainted by weight loss claims that are not healthy and the promoters only care about making money.

I shake my head when people are sick and end up loosing weight, and then get comments like, "you look great!" When they don't look great, they look sick. It seems that we are so focused on weight loss in our culture, that no matter how we loose weight it is perceived as a great thing.

So, overall I am happy with the weight loss, because it is an outward manifestation of the healthy changes my body is making on the inside.

Anxiety

Anxiety occurs when we are living in the past, or in the future. Peace comes when we live in the present.

One thing that has helped me through this awesome process is living in the present. I CANNOT change the past. I can learn from it. I can heal from its affects, but it's done.

I DO NOT know what the future brings. Worrying about it only robs today of its joy. So I do what I can now, I work hard and pray for guidance. I enjoy the small moments with my husband and daughters. And I let God take care of the rest. 

God has given me power. My power is love. When I claim my power miracles happen. 

Satan's counterfeit to power is control. He tries to make us think being in control is somehow better. That with us at the wheel things would be great. But it's a lie. Any attempt to control only leads to anxiety and stress. 

When we claim the power of love that God has given us, and trust Him, there is peace. By claiming my power I also take responsibility for my choices and actions. When control is involved we often blame others or blame situations for our actions. Here again we are not at peace, but adding anxiety to our lives. When we blame others we have no power to change because we just gave our power away to those we are blaming. 

Sometimes I wonder if the whole purpose of life is to learn to trust God enough to relinquish feeling of wanting to control. Then to claim my power of love and truly follow and truly trust Him, implicitly.

Check List

People have asked me what I've done to help this cancer go away.

Well, here goes, and this is pretty close to the order I did them in:

- began working through bottled up emotions, replacing negative emotions with positive ones

- stopped eating anything with sugar in it

- got a live blood analysis done, which gave me insights on how to change my diet and water intake

- began walking every day, usually in the morning

- added LOTS of vegetables to my diet, especially dark green ones

- began drinking alkalized water from The Water Wellness Center
http://www.waterwellnesscenter.com/ 

- began taking baths with Epsom salts to detox

- added more positive affirmations, and continue to do so whenever a negative thought pattern pops up

- began taking a probiotic, vitamin B complex, and vitamin D supplements

- started drinking chlorophyll morning and night

- started drinking alkalizing salts

- learned how to lymph brush, and began doing that twice a week to help my lymph system flush itself out

- got my spine aligned to help my nervous system send signals appropriately

- did a detox foot bath, aka beefy bath

- stopped eating all grains, and most fruit (I still eat berries, lemons, limes, and Granny Smith apples- ones with low GI scores.)

- cut out all GM food and hydrogenated or damaged oils

- limited meat intake to organic, no-hormone, cage-free, grass fed, and wild caught

- added a short, intense workout in the morning to get lots of oxygen to my cells

- added organic produce to my diet

- began an iodine supplement

- took a class on Transcendental Meditation, and began meditating twice daily 

That brings me current.

And I began doing these ONE AT A TIME. Just looking at this list is a bit overwhelming. But one at a time was manageable for me.

The great doctors are focused on drugs, and managing side effects. I'll let them worry about that, and I'll work on the rest of me.

First Chemo Treatment

I had my first chemotherapy treatment on Friday...

And how did it go?

AWESOME!!

I felt a bit weak, and as I walked around I thought, "if I were to eat sugar or refined grains or anything processed right now, I think I would be really sick and most likely vomit. My body needs nutrient dense food. "

I could just feel it.

And then, my favorite part, is that they offered me snacks: Oreos, juice, crackers, raisins. You know, sugar to feed the cancer. It's not a huge secret that cancer cells only source of fuel is sugar. That's why I was injected with radioactive sugar for the PET scan, so they could follow the sugar and see where it was being consumed at alarmingly high rates. 

I sent my awesome husband upstairs for some salmon and a salad. 

After treatment I had a great dinner, went for a walk and took a bath with Epsom salts to help detox.

Around 2am I awoke with a headache and felt a bit nauseous, so I took two Tylenol and drank some alkali zing salts. The salts took care of my queasy stomach, and after doing some deep breathing I was able to go back to sleep just fine.

Saturday I went for another walk, this one was more vigorous, and I felt great.

Then I met with Marc for my first lesson in transcendental  Meditation. 

That has really helped me learn to relax, and is releasing stress from my life. Yea, less stress!

So now it's off to more emotional work, and I think I need a nap.

Feedback

Today I had an appointment with my oncologist.

But before I go into that, let me tell you about this tumor...

When I had the biopsy done, the doctor had a hard time getting the needle in because it was so hard. He had to give it quite a push, and I was left pretty bruised. I also had a lump in my armpit. That was determined to be cancer spread to the lymph nodes. It was pretty obvious. After I was diagnosed with cancer, I stopped eating sugar. A few days later I met with my oncologist for the first time. He mentioned that the tumor was kind of soft, but was able to measure it anyway. A few days later I totally changed my diet, began drinking alkalized water, started taking some vitamins I was not before, began taking alkalizing salts, was more consistent in exercising every day, and changed my mental and emotional attitudes, along with other detoxifying things.

So, today he mentioned that the tumor was really soft. So soft he couldn't even measure it. My husband asked if that was good. He said if it starts soft it doesn't really matter, but some start hard and when they turn soft it means the tumor is breaking up. The good doctor also said he couldn't even feel the lump in my lymph nodes.

I start chemotherapy on Friday.

All this change and chemo hasn't even started.

Can I tell you how encouraging this is!!

Go new lifestyle! I think I'll keep you around for a very long time!

Cancer Killers

I went to a class on Saturday about how people have killed cancer.

What impressed me about this class is the many people who were diagnosed with so-called terminal

cancer who have gotten better following the guidelines outlined in the book, The Cancer Killers: The Cause is the Cure, by Dr. Charles Majors, Dr. Ben Lerner, with Sayer Jl.

This information fits well with me because they discuss having a mindset of possibility and positivism.  They also 

discuss diet, and YES, I am cutting out ALL sugar, ALL grains, and most fruits -for a time- to get my body back in balance. Plus I'm infusing my diet with all sorts of awesome vegetables and healthy fats. What a fun new way to eat! A great new step on the awesome adventure!

They also discuss exercising in a way to get the most oxygen to your cells, getting rid of toxins in our diet, and having a healthy nervous system. All very interesting, and helpful in reducing side-effects of chemotherapy. 

So, cancer killers, let's see how this works. 

My sister also blogged about it here:
//http://adventurewithdeserae.blogspot.com/2013/10/adventure-18-cancer-killers-by-align.html

Now off to the next adventure: Transcendental Meditation

Lift Up Your Heads

Many people seem surprised by my cheerful attitude when it comes to this awesome journey involving cancer and its ramifications. In answer to the often expressed, "my, you seem cheerful," I refer you to the following scripture.

I feel this sums up the "why" that is implied, but never verbalized.

Mosiah 24 12-16

12 And Alma and his people did not raise their voices to the Lord their God, but did pour out their ^ahearts to him; and he did know the ^bthoughts of their hearts.

 13 And it ^acame to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.

 14 And I will also ease the ^aburdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as^bwitnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their ^cafflictions.

 15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did^astrengthen them that they could bear up their ^bburdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with ^cpatience to all the will of the Lord.

And I believe the next verse too, which gives me the 'reason for the hope that is in me'...

16 And it came to pass that so great was their faith and their patience that the voice of the Lord came unto them again, saying: Be of good comfort, for on the morrow I will deliver you out of bondage.

This scripture warms my heart, and helps me to feel that I am not alone. I feel I must have signed up for this somewhere, and I'm okay with that. Really, I am.

A Stewed Apple

I have been eating a stewed apple every morning. According to the book, The Answer to Cancer, by Hari Sharma, Rama Mishra, and James Meade, a stewed apple - or pear- in the morning will help the environment of the body be more friendly to healthy things and less friendly to toxic things. It also aids and stimulates digestion and gets your body ready for the day. Plus, it tastes great!

Here's how to do it:
-Cook your apple first thing in the morning, the sooner the better. The authors of the book mentioned above say at sunrise is great, but I just do it right when I wake up.
-Use a sweet apple, like a golden delicious or red delicious. Sour apples don't work as well to aid digestion.
-Peel the apple, quarter it and core it.
-Pierce each apple quarter with a whole clove.
-Boil it for about five minutes.
-When it has reached your desired consistency, take out the cloves and toss them.
-It is best to drink some warm water with the stewed apple.
-It is not recommended to do this at night, as that is when your digestion needs to be calming down, and this will get it all revved up. So do it in the morning.

It is supper yummy and I feel wakes up my digestion. Plus, the flavor goes will with the fall season.

Enjoy!

What I Learned from a Hip Biopsy

* I have felt unsafe my whole life...time to deal with that.
* I'm grateful it wasn't my liver biopsied.
* Anti-nausea medication made my head cloudy. Next time I'll just vomit and get it over with.
* Swearing in a recovery room can be heard on the other side of the curtain.
* Keith is still afraid of needles, even if it's for accessing a port.
* Wheelchairs are blessed things.
* Vomiting on an elevator is generally frowned upon.
* CT machines have many uses, including use during a biopsy.
* Some nurses don't believe you when you say it's been an awesome week.
* Fasting before procedures is overrated.
* Small needles are awesome!

Feelings Buried Alive...

I have used the book, Feelings Buried Alive Never Die, by Karol K. Truman, for years. It gives information, but also works as a workbook for working through negative emotions and replacing them with the ones we want in our lives.

So, as I sat today getting a PET scan done, which by the way is AWESOME! Not loud like the MRI, and I got to be radio active for a couple of hours, I mean how many times does that happen in one's life, really?
So, as I sat being radio active I had lots of time to think, aside from giggling because the sign by the door said I was being video taped. I just though that was so funny to video someone drinking goo and sitting in the dark...what a boring video!

A test said my liver had issues...and the emotion book mentioned above describes the liver as the anger center. So I looked up all the anger issues listed under liver, and yep, I had them all. I then worked through half of them, and began to feel better almost right away.

New mental attitude: replace negative words, even mental words, with positive ones.

As I do this daily I feel better every time. I am amazed a the negative self talk that has crept in over the years.
Things like:
It doesn't matter what I want, I won't get it anyway
I don't matter
I can't do this
bla, bla, bla

I have changed these statements to just the opposite, but these are only an example. The more positive I have become, the more I feel alive, the more everyday seems to hold joy, and I choose to fill my world with joy!

Yoga

I love the mind-body connection of yoga. Recently I discovered Kundalini Yoga, as taught by Gurmukh. Her emphases is on mind-body-spirit and the movements are simple enough that anyone can do them, but the repetition long enough it challenges everyone.

Goal for this week: walk every day (so far so good)
Goal for next week: kundalini yoga three days, along with walking everyday.

I just feel deep in my heart that this illness is so much more than physical. There are spiritual, mental, and emotional components.

So, whole body, watch out! Things are getting stirred up, and it will probably hurt a bit more before it gets better.

The Poll

I understand from other people that hair doesn't always grow back the same after chemo treatment. So, here's the poll...how will my hair grow back? Blond? Straight? Red? Wavy? Or will I keep the curl? The winner(s) of this little poll will get a prize, that is if I know who you are and if I have a way to contact you.

So let me know what you think!

Introduction

I am starting a blog...
Not one about my kids, or my husband, but about my adventure through cancer...I'm so excited!

About two weeks ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. The best part about telling my girls was that my six-year-old said her teacher had had cancer and shown pictures to her students of her without hair," and my teacher had a wig, maybe you can wear a wig too!" So I'm going to let my two older girls cut my hair off when it's time and we'll all learn how to wear scarfs.

I'm not sad or scared about this diagnoses. I look at it as a chance to learn and grow. I feel humbled. I feel blessed and I feel that I have been prepared. I also feel humbled at all the love and support that has been poured out on my family.

So here goes...my new awesome adventure!